Question and AnswerRelationshipsSex Education

Q & A: Ed at a Sex Club

sex club
Inability to perform at a Sex Club

Q:  “Sooo I have a question for my fave sexy expert!

Hubby and I went to a sex club last night and all was going great. We were approached by a couple and things started to get steamy, but hubby (it being his first time in that setting) got soooo anxious that even with his sky high libido and stamina could not perform. The poor girl though she wasn’t hot enough for him to get it up. He is so mortified right now… feels terrible because she got upset. How in the world can I get him to feel better and relax? I’m just afraid he’ll be even more nervous next time because of this, which will drive him crazy.” S. M.

A: Thank you so much for such a great question, S! Let me say this – performance anxiety is real and very much typical at a Sex Club. Here’s a new partner, new atmosphere and everyone is watching!!! So much pressure. It would be strange if he had no issues. So please tell him there’s nothing wrong with him! Below are a few suggestions on making approaching the situation next time.

Ways of Handling the situation

  • Mindfulness and diaphragmatic breathing tend to help relax the body, and focus on activating parasympathetic nervous system (that allows for overall healing and relaxation). When one encounters a stressful situation it’s good to notice all of the anxious thoughts that are present and instead choose to focus on the breath, physical sensations, pleasure, sounds, taste, smell – basically surrender into a multisensory experience of the situation without attaching to the thoughts
  • Fingering and oral techniques as well as knowledge of BDSM or Tantra may help in scenarios like these so penis is not even needed. One can also use toys, dirty talk etc. to turn another person on and Give Them Pleasure by therefore taking the pressure associated with insertive sex off completely.
  • Lots of people take Viagra at clubs. It makes sure they perform no matter what. The more one gets accustomed to the atmosphere, the easier it will be.

I hope the above answer has been helpful to you! Good for you guys for trying this new adventure!!

Would you like to learn more on how to navigate the Group Sex / Sex Clubs dynamic? Discover more on communications, negotiations and risk mitigation practices? Please see some of the Services I Offer and feel free to Reach Out.

My heart’s biggest desire is to help others fully accept themselves and live happy and passion-filled lives!

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