How to not Feel Jealous
Q: Dear Evguenia, I’m in an open relationship and feel jealousy quite often. Are there any suggestions you could make in order for me to feel a bit better? J. T.
A: Dear J. T., thank you for the great question. Jealousy is an emotion that comes up quite a bit for many of use regardless of whether or not we’re in a monogamous, monogamish or open relationship.
Have you ever been in a situation when you might’ve made an eye contact with someone, smiled at them or dressed in a certain way and your partner got upset and jealous? Or, perhaps, someone made a pass at your partner in front of you and you felt an unsettling nagging feeling of jealousy?
The feeling of jealousy is a complex one that typically originates from other feelings or emotions such as insecurity, possessiveness or shame. For many of us, jealousy is a natural, instinctive emotion that everyone experiences at one point or another.
When it comes to insecurity, a lot of time jealousy originates from the internalized parental voice called a SuperEgo (https://www.spiritsexlab.com/2018/08/26/connection-with-oneself-superego/)
Understanding the roots, triggers and reasons for our feelings of jealousy is an important part of maintaining a healthy relationship. To do this, we must be aware of the critical inner voices driving our uncertainties and self-doubt. If we can identify these thoughts, we can challenge them as the “smiling enemies” they are, the ones that want us to wind up alone. We can act against the thoughts that tell us to be suspicious, mistrusting and accusatory.
One of the ways to work through jealousy that I teach during my workshops on Open Relationships, Group Sex and Polyamory is to see yourself as a multidimensional universe. You’re beautifully unique and connect with multiple people in different ways. If you were to imagine yourself as a multidimentional jigsaw puzzle – there are all of these slots that are meant for the connection with others – friends, parents, children, lovers, partners etc. Each person occupies a unique spot in your heart and cannot be fully replaced. Similarly, we’re irreplaceable for our partners simply because there’s only one of you on this planet.
Would you like to learn more ways for working through jealousy? Please DM for your private session or check out workshop schedule: www.spiritsexlab.com/events. For more in depth exploration of the topic of sexuality and play – please see some of the Services I Offer and feel free to Reach Out.